4 Pillars to a [healthy] relationship
The Year 2020 in numerology is 2+0+2+0 = 4
The number 4 reminds us that equality for all sides creates the strongest structures. Four sides, with the same sides [a square] has no weak points
Its energy is that of stability
Pretty ironic with all that's going on in this world right now... or is it?
I believe all of this is propelling us to take a closer look
at how we are in relation to the world and how we show up, HONESTLY
Relationships are everything and I'm not just talking about our romantic ones
The single most important relationship we have
and will ever have, is the one with ourselves
Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated
I'm not a psychologist and I definitely don't have a medical background
but I have always been endlessly fascinated by human behaviour
probably because I've moved and traveled so much in my life
I grew up shuffled between New Jersey & West Virginia
Think America's Civil War: Union vs Confederates
VERY DIFFERENT
I've moved every year since the age 11
I've traveled to over 30 countries since age 20
and I've lived in three major cities doing very different work
In NYC: I was in the corporate world of Fashion & Legal Media
In LA: I was a Nanny, dog sitter and stuffed envelopes + vending machines
In SYD: I was in hospitality, a school and sold organic tea
Not to mention my Army of a family:
I am a child of 5, I have 5 aunts + 5 uncles
21 first cousins, 2 nieces + 4 nephews
Needless to say, I've been around all walks of life
And the one thing I noticed is that people have patterns
we are not so unique after all [sorry]
But those patterns, leave clues.
And from those clues and my personal [limited] life experience
I have come up with: 4 pillars to a [healthy] relationship
All four pillars are equally important so if one of them is shaky it causes the entire foundation to be unsteady and I don't know about you, but if I'm building anything,
I want to have faith in my foundation
Few things to remember:
These pillars are not ones we can just intellectually learn about
We must experience them and that means
experiencing their opposites to know what they truly mean
Everything is always up to your own perspective and discernment
The way you define the words below could be different but that doesn't mean you can't practice them to the best of your ability
We are not here to judge the way others commit to these pillars,
we are simply here to work on our own
"The world is not here to make you happy, it's here to make you conscious." ET
1. RESPECT
It's hard to hear this word and not want to break out in Aretha Franklin's hit song (sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me). All jokes aside, this one in not to be taken lightly. Respect is about accepting reality with no attempt to outsmart it. Staying humble. To see things for what they truly are. We so often forget about the messiness of humans, the wildness of animals and the erratic behaviour of Mother Nature. We tend to hold such high expectations on ourselves that we would never hold against our friends / family...this is not respect. Never betraying yourself is respect - then try it with others. We don't always have to agree but we can at the bare minimum RESPECT.
2. TRUST
Trust is believing that this would not be happening if it were not meant to help us grow. Trusting the constant and ever changing unfolding of life, having faith and ultimately a knowing that you are safe or that you'll always be okay. Trust + respect go hand in hand. Can't have one without the other. Think of it this way: If I don't respect myself, I can't trust myself and if I don't trust myself, I can't respect myself. Then try it with others. This doesn't mean you won't fall, bend and break - you just keep getting back up quicker and quicker!
3. COMMITMENT
Whatever you choose to do in life whether you're tying your shoe or starting a new job, you must be 100% committed. There really is no point with anything less. I think where we all fall short of this is when we commit to things out of obligation, guilt, entanglement or association and not really because we want to. If you want to commit to anything you also need to learn how to "say no" and build healthy boundaries otherwise your so called "commitments" don't mean anything!
4. CONSCIOUS COMMUNICATION
I underline the word conscious because talking isn't necessarily communicating. Communicating effectively and authentically in a respectful manner is key BUT Listening is equally a huge part. Communication is 100% the most challenging pillar because we ALL speak different languages and things are constantly changing but I have a few universal tips: Speak calmly, slowly, use brevity and pause. Get to know yourself - boost your EQ - then try it with others!